There is no there there

“There is no there there”

My mom used this phrase a lot when I was growing up… and it stuck in my mind.

My family had many sayings… both profound, humorous, and both.

And this was one that was both.

Originally stated by Gertrude Stein, a turn-of-the-century rebellious artist, in reference to her childhood home being literally not there anymore, and the city itself (Oakland, CA) feeling different than she’d remembered - this phrase became so much more for me.

There is no there there.

There truly isn’t.

But what do I mean?

Ok, so rewind back to 2016.

I’d been harboring dreams of becoming an entrepreneur… dreaming of being in charge of my own schedule, making art on my own terms, and making money in the process - the long term vision being $500,000 net revenue every year, $10,000/month within a few years.

I dropped out of college, went through 2 years of homelessness, and 4 more years of barely getting by, racking up debt trying to get my business off the ground.

I’ve talked about that period of my life many times, and I will continue to talk about it further…

In fact I’m currently writing a book about it after much nudging from many people (thank you for the nudges, you know who you are.)

For a cursory overview, look at my previous post with the youtube link.

After stubbornly travelling the world, couchsurfing on strangers’ couches (including some gay nudists’ places in NYC… more on that sometime perhaps) and surviving off the kindness of women I dated while I travelled (you’ll forever be in my heart ) I finally found success in business.

I finally built a business which gave me everything I’d asked the universe for

Being in charge of my own schedule, making art, travelling, and bringing in $10,000/month.

And yes - I find myself profoundly grateful.

Yet I also find there’s more my heart yearns for.

There is no there there.

The gratitude I feel everyday I brought myself to.

It wasn’t automatic.

I realized in 2023 after the first two months hitting $10,000 that nothing changed.

I was as dissatisfied with my life as I was before.

After connecting with happiness researcher Raj Raghunathan, I realized that happiness is a learned skill.

Happiness does not come from things I achieve… in fact, the way I set the goal was “I am not happy right now… what can I achieve to fix this?”

But what I didn’t realize was that happiness itself is an achievement.

If I choose to pursue “making $10,000/month doing art travelling the country making my own schedule,” I will achieve that.

But nowhere in that sentence do I mention happiness!

So it’s no wonder that I was just as dissatisfied as I’d been when I was homeless.

What we set our mind to, we will achieve.

And whatever we think that will lead to is not our choice…

Said another way, what I decide to create, I will create.

I may THINK that creation will lead to something else, but that’s not up to me.

Said even another way, when I decide to create a 6-figure creative business, I set life in motion to make that happen.

I THOUGHT that would lead to happiness, but that’s not what I set out for.

Live gives us what we DIRECTLY ask for.

If you do not DIRECTLY ask for it, it’s up to complete chance, and it will come and go.

After achieving my dream and realizing I was not happy, I realized I needed to set my sights on happiness itself.

So I did. And I found gratitude in what I created for myself.

But since my focus shifted, so did my actions, and so did the tests the universe gave me.

Fast forward 2 more years, and what’s become clear is that happiness runs by different rules than business.

I can make money doing almost anything… if I find a market and know how to speak to people’s needs, I will make money.

The rules of business are clear.

They take practice and experience, yes.

And the price of admission is risk and failure.

But there’s a very clear way to win, and some very clear ways to lose.

Happiness is similar, and it’s a skill I’m getting better at.

The rules are simple too…

1-Live in integrity.

The easiest way to sacrifice my happiness is to act out of alignment with my own morals.

To abandon myself. If I keep a tight ship though, my body and soul trust my leadership, and I bring all of me to every interaction and transaction.

I’ve recently had many vulnerable conversations with friends… expressing my attraction to women who were or weren’t in alignment, expressing my desire for friendship with men I admire, expressing my boundaries with people I care about…

and in each case, me living with integrity has turned what could be relationship-ending conversations into deeper, stronger bonds… in EVERY SINGLE CASE.

2-Go for happiness directly.

Follow my bliss.

If something doesn’t feel right - first I look at judgements I hold, emotions I haven’t processed, assumptions I’m projecting onto the situation.

Then, once I’m clear, I find that my body-felt fuck yes and fuck no is the best guide.

The most intelligent guide I could ever wish for!

3-Trust myself.

When I don’t trust myself, I question myself and follow anyone who seems more certain than me, and they may or may not have my best interests at heart.

And even if they do, if THEY’RE not in alignment themselves, I’m going to pick up everything they haven’t processed by following their lead.

When I DO trust myself, my course is self-correcting, even when I make mistakes.

4-Focus on the moment.

It is the only thing that is real.

The past is made up, and filtered through our selective memory.

The future is not made yet, and subject to who we be right now anyway.

I reach into the past to clean up any stuck energy and repurpose it into the now… so it is useful.

But it’s a place to visit, not a place to stay.

I don’t have a clean way to end this thread, except this…

There is no there there.

My mission is to help people build a life they love.

A bespoke, perfect life that brings them happiness and fulfillment.

After achieving my goal, and becoming better and better at finding happiness, I find myself naturally being pulled towards finding deeper alignment in everything I do.

I created my business from a place of scarcity… feeling lonely, afraid, unsafe.

Heck I was fucking homeless! And my business pulled me out of that. For that, I am deeply grateful.

And from this place of abundance, I find myself prioritizing passion, prioritizing alignment, prioritizing my vision.

I hope some part of this spoke to you. If so, please share in the comments what you’re taking from this and how you’ll apply it.

Until next time,

~Joe

~~~~~

P.S. I often use AI to help me write, while being heavily invested in the process so it’s still fully my voice in the end.

This article I felt called to leave raw.

Just me sharing my truth.

It’s messier than my others, also since I didn’t edit it.

I’m curious whether it spoke to you more or less - feel free to comment that too or message me your thoughts.

~~~~~

Photo credit: Kalpesh Soni