I got brutally rejected this morning

I met this sexy Latina two days ago, and instantly I felt a spark.

After yoga (the other post was inspired by my interaction with her btw) we went (my idea) and got horchata (her idea) at a nearby place.

We bantered for hours, sitting on a bench outside, pretty much cuddling... her legs on my lap, both of us caressing the other.

At this point in my life, I only pursue girls I have chemistry with like this maybe I’m spoiled but it feels so good.

And because I express my desire openly and shamelessly, and only go out with girls who are just as into me as I am into them, most of my first dates end up like this at some point.

Anyway, I walk her back to her car (see, I'm a gentleman hehe) and on the way I pull her gently towards me by the hip and, slowly and seductively bring my nose a millimeter from hers.

She leans in slightly, opening her mouth and letting out the smallest gasp... so I bridge the gap and we make out for a few moments before I pull away to walk her the rest of the way.

I do the same once more at her car door... she's still into it.

And bid her goodbye... telling her to text me when she gets home safe.

The next day I text her something short and sweet in the morning (we already had a second date set up for Saturday morning) and… crickets.

I have a feeling something is off, otherwise she’d have texted back quickly. I'm not super worried but it is in the back of my mind.

Then the day after (this morning) she sent a rejection text... saying she decided she wasn't into me and didn't want to waste my time.

Oof.

Before I share why this brutal rejection doesn't phase me at all, and what I learned from it, I want to share a bit about my background.

In my early 20s I was completely clueless with women.

My chaotic childhood left me with a very negative impression of how women generally treat men (divorce, criticism, manipulation...) so at a subconscious level I pushed women away, while consciously I yearned for them.

I was always great at taking my shot… that was never an issue for me.

I asked women out left and right, and got some dates here and there in Jr. High and High School.

But the deep void I had from living in a chaotic, loveless home, and without any examples of nurturing, loving women in my life meant I had no chance.

I had a couple middle school girlfriends... I didn't kiss a girl until I was 21 though (I posted about that magical moment a few posts ago.)

After I finally started sleeping with women in my early 20s I wanted to make up for what felt to me like lost time, so I started watching pickup artists.

I read all the books you're supposed to read... The Game, The Way of the Superior Man, The Alabaster Girl... some great stuff, some weird stuff…

And the whole time I also worked on my deeper wounds.

Therapy, meditation, emotional intelligence workshops, therapeutic psychedelics, leadership programs, medicine journeys…

I did it all, and it all helped.

Over the course of my 20s, I've had some crazy experiences with women… some fun and spicy, some deep and emotional, some intimate and healing, some taboo and exciting.

I've pushed the limits of social boundaries (and broke them too) and proved everything I needed to prove to myself.

In the process I tried out tons of the tactics pickup artists talk about, I also just did what felt right in my bones sometimes, ignoring the pickup artists entirely.

And in the background I was doing deep emotional and spiritual work on myself.

So I've got a unique perspective.

Do I have more "results" than some pickup artists? Sure. Not as much as most of them probably.

But I have something almost none of them have... and that is I’ve got impeccable integrity and I communicate my intentions vulnerably and honestly.

Because of that I am happy regardless of what happens in my dating life - something almost all “tactic” based dating coaches are far from, hoping to get enough notches in their belt to finally love themselves and be happy...

It wasn't the notches that finally got me to drop the hustle.

It was the realization that the hustle itself was creating the problem it was trying to fix.

I don't have to have another girl lined up to deal with a rejection.

I don't have to have sex with a girl to feel like I’m enough for that day.

I'm not worried about whether a woman is attracted to me or not... it's extremely easy to tell - as long as you're out of your fucking head.

I went back and forth about pickup artist "techniques..." villifying them at one point.

In the end, each of us in every interaction is trying to get something... even if we're centered, happy, and authentic.

For instance, the card of "give your friend a housewarming gift" is a card that you can play to deepen your friendship.

There's nothing WRONG about having and using tactics... the key is where is it coming from?

Do you give your friend a gift, even though inside you judge them and don't like them, but you want them to like you because they are wealthy and connected, and you don’t want to lose the status of having them in your life?

Ugh. Even writing that feels weird.

See, even giving gifts can be a weird shadow behavior if coming from the wrong place.

On the same note, giving a girl a "neg" is a weird, slimy thing…

For those who aren’t in the loop, it's a pickup artist technique where you give a girl a left-handed complement so that they'll feel slightly insecure and then chase you.

Sounds slimy, right?

But what's the difference between that and playful banter?

It’s the EXACT same behavior on the surface…

Underneath, though, the intentions are completely different.

With a "neg," you're like a villain in a control center, pulling levers and making chess moves to maneuver towards the goal: her panties on your floor, you making her coffee in the morning (or better yet, her making you coffee.)

With playful banter on the other hand... sure, you'd like her panties on your floor, and you'd like her to wake you up with a cup of coffee, and maybe something else…

But you're not in a control center... you're out in the open, dancing with her with your words, cultivating the fun spark with your banter, turning it into a raging fire of mutual desire - if it has that potential.

The surface level behaviors are the smallest part of what matters in dating, which is why I don't like the approach of learning techniques.

It's much more effective (and more fun!) to clean up your intentions, get out of your musty, cheeto-dust-covered control room, and go dancing with women in the open!

And if you make THAT internal shift, ANY action you take will be attractive to the right girls.

Now back to my brutal rejection this morning.

The truth is she was 100% into me. That was undeniable.

Afterwards though, she felt differently.

This isn’t uncommon…

Could it be something I did? Maybe. Perhaps.

If so, I have a really good idea of what I did that could have "fucked it up" and it's a really solid learning opportunity…

But does it have to be something I did?

What if she liked the excitement of being wanted, but after thinking about it, decided she wanted a guy who spoke Spanish better since that was her first language?

Or because she's not sure how long she'll stay in Austin, perhaps she decided not to date in general?

Or everything was 100% amazing, but yesterday she went on a fifth date with another guy she’s seeing and he’s asked her to be his girlfriend?

What if there's no real reason at all, just a shift in her feelings neither she nor I could explain?

In the end, does it even matter why?

I could try to figure it out, and I actually got caught up in the trap for a moment, even though I literally wrote about this in the post this girl herself inspired!

I almost hopped on a phone call with her to try to seduce her... to try to get her to reconsider.

But after a fleeting few moments of fantasizing what it would feel like to win her over, I sat back and asked myself "Is it worth it?"

This girl was into me Wednesday night, but in this moment she's not...

What kind of dynamic do I want with the girls I date?

Do I want to date a girl who, for whatever reason, questions her desire for me, and I have to keep convincing her to come back?

Fuck no.

So I let it go.

Could I have seduced her back into my arms, and perhaps my bed?

Oh for sure. Not 100% possibility, but if I followed the pickup artists and played the right cards…

There is for sure a golden path where I would have gotten her back.

I actually sent a few texts back and forth with her and got her a bit curious and open to a phone call before I came to my senses and reconsidered.

Because I wouldn't have been happy.

And in the end, I'm not trying to get the girl.

In the end I'm just trying to build a life that makes it easy to be happy, and that just happens to include women in it.

Aren't we all?

~~~~~

One topic I want to write about more is how pursuing women isn't about women at all.

Women are a beautiful reflection of how we as men are showing up.

Am I unsure about what I want? She'll show up with mixed signals.

Am I chasing her? She'll keep her distance so I can keep chasing.

Am I centered and clear? She'll show up clear in her intentions too.

Am I in a state of acceptance and unattachment? She'll reflect my warmth and acceptance back at me.

Am I open with my desire without shame or need? She'll receive and reciprocate it with equal openness.

The fire of love, sex, and romance is a quick way to burn away all that isn't powerful and sexy in my life, and leave me whole, clean, and rooted in my purpose.

I'll share more on this at some point.

~~~~~

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