Dating Unchained, Reborn (part 1)

Man joins a dating program…

Learns about Tinder photos.

Builds a six-figure business.

…and then burns it all down.

Here’s the story.
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It’s November 2020.

I’m in a dating coaching program with a guy who’s got a lot of talents, one of them being photography.

He puts together a massive Tinder guide, complete with photo advice.

I’m lonely, horny, and have been trying to build a creative business for 6 years at that point…

I felt like a failure and I wanted to get laid more… not anything to be ashamed of, and contrary to what many people believe by NO means a “bad” or “immature” goal.

But me being lonely and horny is important to a point I make at the end of this post.

So I lease a Canon EOS RP with a nifty fifty (entry level versatile lens.)

The deal: pay it off in 3 months and it’s the same as cash…

Miss the deadline, and the total doubles.

I grab a buddy and we shoot each other.

I think I’m good…

I’m not. But I keep going.

And I start to get better.

At first, I just want to make my money back so I shoot for free.

Then $100.

Even though I don’t really know what I’m doing… it works.

Guys get better photos… they get more matches. Word spreads.
I miss the 3-month deadline and I end up paying double for the camera.

But I do pay it off.

And by then I realize: I actually like this. So I keep going.

I raise my prices with my growing skills and demand: $100… $250… $500… $600… $800… $1,000… $1,200…

Eventually $1,997 for my flagship package… over 5 years: 200+ clients.

I’m flown out to work with guys in 40 cities, 5 countries and 3 continents.

I hit the goal I set almost years ago when I dropped out of college: build a $10k/month creative business with travel.

And yet…

I feel disconnected. Bored. Resentful.

I blow through money recklessly and I even start resenting my own clients.

My first “solution”? Hire another photographer to replace me and dip out of the business, continuing to make money from it.

Then a few clients in a row don’t get results.

My confidence crashes and I start telling myself a story:

“Dating apps are broken. They’re a scam. They just want men’s money.”

Here’s the irony though…

For years, I told guys not to think that way.

I literally said in Reel after Reel: “Yes, there are flaws, but don’t be a victim. You can still win.”

And then I became the victim myself.

I even tell everyone I’m no longer a “dating profile photographer” and I pivot into “online image photography.” out of guilt and resentment.

I recently reached out to past clients, expecting bad news.

Instead I hear:

“I’m dating more than ever!”

“I’m engaged, thanks to you!”

“I’m in a relationship now!”

That’s when I realize: the problem wasn’t them.

It wasn’t the apps.

It was me.

It was my mindset.

And even deeper… it was all a reflection of my intentions - more on that in a bit.

And I notice something else…

The few clients who don’t get results all share a common trait, and it’s not what you’d think - it surprised me too! (I’ll share this in a future post.)

Looking back, the real issue was clear.

The seed I planted: “$10k creative biz with travel”... grew out of lack.

The truth was: “I’m lonely and horny… I just want to get laid [not a bad goal, just wasn’t coming from a true grounded place] and make back my camera money.”

And I ended up paying double anyway.

As Garrain Asé, my mentor in the 12-week Artist Development program I've been in for the past 2 months says:

“The energy in which you plant the seed is the energy of the tree that grows.”

So no surprise… the tree that grew from the seed of “I’m lonely and horny… I just want to get laid and make back my camera money” brought me more scarcity and dissatisfaction.

These past couple months, I burned it all down… and you’ve seen that happen in real time.

But like a phoenix from the ashes, I’m rebuilding, this time, with upgraded intentions.

Human Design calls me a Martyr-Heretic.

The Martyr: I learn through trial and error, and ignore advice from others.

“Don’t touch the stove, it’s hot!” Yep, I literally tested that for myself when I was 3.

The Heretic: I share the lessons I learn to help others.

Some people love me and take my advice to heart.

Some hate me and think I’m a fraud.

But I share anyway… like I’m sharing right here ;)

And with Splenic authority, my best moves come fast.

Quick gut feeling check… Instant decisions. The longer I sit with a decision, the more confused I get.

My best decisions are made quickly - according to human design, and I find it’s accurate.

You've seen me do this in real time as well with my quick adjustments and corrections these past few months.

So I ignore others’ advice, make quick intuitive decisions, take the result and adjust, and share the insights I learn.

That’s been my default pattern in my life, and my business too.

I am happiest and most successful when I let myself live by this pattern.

It isn't the right pattern for everyone.

Many people do best with more thoughtful decisions, or by staying more private, or by listening to others' advice...

But this way is right for me.

Heck this whole vulnerable blog thing I’m doing now is the perfect project for a human design “heretic!”

So here I am… rebuilding from the ashes.

A phoenix about to rise again, stronger, cleaner.

I’m so excited to share what comes next.

And in the posts ahead, I’ll reveal both the rebuild… and that surprising commonality among the clients who didn’t get results.

Stay tuned.

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AI disclosure: I used ChatGPT to help me organize and edit this post, while extensively editing it myself between and after prompts.

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Photos of some recent texts from clients: