Get out from under your house!

I could tell he was in a huff.

We’d been debating back and forth… talking over each other like real life comment section on the war in Gaza.

I was on a comfy outdoor couch in my friend’s backyard in South Austin, for her boyfriend’s birthday (who is another good friend of mine.) They both met each other when I invited them both to my birthday weekend last year, so I take credit ;)

Anyway, me and another guy I just met started a heated debate when he stated with 300% certainty that something was inherently “bad” and it made them a “bad person.”

I don’t even remember what it was… it was something heinous, like slashing someone’s tires…

We were disagreeing over axiomatic truths, and he was wrapped up in emotion and couldn’t see the perspective I was trying to show him.

The way I look at the world is the same way Victor Frankl looked at the world, and a philosophy I practiced embodying in the world through the leadership academy I was active in throughout 2024.

There is nothing good or bad, but meaning makes it so.

We are meaning making machines.

And we have the power to turn neutral events (which everything is) into something positive, by choosing a story.

Not by lying… If someone slashes my tires, I don’t go “my car is juuuust fine… time for a road trip!”

I wouldn’t get very far.

But the leap from “my tires are slashed” to “this is BAD, F*** THE WORLD” is a choice!

By focusing on the silver lining - WHILE BEING 100% HONEST ABOUT THE FACTS - we gain control over the situation and can be so much more effective.

This came up yesterday… I took photos of two friends’ elopement, and I set the intention beforehand to use this experience to help me with my own love life.

By witnessing their relationship and their union, I wanted to nurture the feeling of what a relationship in my life would look and feel like.

Their partnership, and now marriage is a great example of what I’d like to have in my life, in many ways.

So I soaked up the good feeling, and I left feeling warm and fuzzy.

And I called my mom on the way home… Something hit me as we talked.

I've been writing about the traumas in my childhood a lot, and it’s been the predominant story in my mind.

But there's a lot that went right too.

Wallowing in the mud can be fun sometimes, and there's gold in exploring our shadow... If the foundation of my house has mold in it. I have to go underneath and root it out.

But once I’ve rooted it out, I get out from under the house, and back into it, and enjoy my new, clean house!

I’ve gotten so used to rooting out the mold that I got stuck under the foundation… but now after climbing out and looking at my life, I see there’s so much that went oh so right in my childhood.

My mom and dad nurtured my creativity, intellect, and curiosity deeply.

They spent time, money, and energy feeding my excitement for life!

They signed me up for Pottery classes, Tai Kwon Do lessons, Soccer, Fencing, Tennis… all because I wanted to learn these things!

They paid for programming tutors in elementary school because I was curious and wanted to learn…

They paid for French tutors in middle school because I loved the language…

Dad baked fresh cookies when I had a sleepover, showed me how to sell things online and door knock in person.

He taught me the basics of business and coached me to make cautious, rational decisions.

He taught me how to change the oil in my car, and going to home depot with him as a kid is still one of my favorite memories!

And he made me and my friends freshly baked chocolate chip cookies when I had a sleepover.

Mom sat with me and taught me lots of arts and crafts. She taught me to sew, to emboss, and she supplied me with endless art supplies and encouraged me to honor all my artwork - telling me from an early age to sign and date everything I draw.

I've been seeing the worst in the people around me, blaming all the things that happened on them.

Yes, shit happened, and it's important to be honest about it, but there's a poison in dwelling there.

I’ve done all the work of rooting out the mold.

It’s finally time to get out from under the house and enjoy it.

There's so much beauty in my childhood. Ways that the imperfect humans around me did a 10/10 job.

Focusing on the bad doesn't negate the good.

Focusing on the good doesn't negate the bad.

But in deciding to think of the good over the bad I metaphorically climb out of under the house and enjoy the house I have.

I write this for myself, but I also write this for y’all.

Have you gotten stuck in your dating life thinking that “all women are manipulative…” or “I’m not attractive…” or “there’s nobody out there for me?”

That’s a choice you’ve made… perhaps based on a boatload of evidence… but the longer you hold onto that story, the more you give your power away to those who hurt you.

The more of your life they steal.

It’s time to let go of all the stories that no longer serve you and hop out from under your house.
~~~~~
Old photo but a goodie, of me on my first ever overseas photoshoot!
~~~~~
No AI was used in writing or editing this post