How junk food and running help us understand sexual puritanism…

Bear with me I’ll explain it all.

There's this idea that men in society are encouraged to go out and have as much sex as they can.

This cannot be further from the truth.

Sure, it's glorified here and there, and we do enjoy our locker room talk, but in my experience men have just as much sexual shame as women do.

And as I get back into helping men with their dating life, it's something I want to write about.

One category of dating advice men get (from some paid "gurus" too) that pisses me off the most is the idea that we should just try to "connect" with women, and sex will just magically appear.

Um... what?

Sure, for some guys who are naturally flirty (me being one of them hehe) we're already doing the second necessary step…

But there's a huge step missing here in the instructions only some guys do naturally... and that is communicating sexual intent.

How the hell will a girl know I want to do the horizontal tango with her if all I'm doing is asking about her dog and what kind of food she likes?

I need to communicate to her (in words, or just in my way of being) that I want her undergarments on my floor.

Otherwise she's going to (reasonably) believe I either want to be her friend, or I'm too chicken to go for what I really want, and neither of those are going to mean I find her earrings in my bed the next morning.

The issue isn't ignorance though, it's a misplacement of "good/bad" onto something that does not apply…

Consider diet choices.

If I prefer Cheetos and Dr. Pepper, and I go to the doctor complaining about headaches and fatigue, he's going to tell me to eat some goddamn veggies!!!

Diet has an objective spectrum of healthy on one end, and unhealthy on the other.

What about sports?

If I am a runner, is that worse than me playing tennis? Both are high impact, high cardio sports... what about football?

All of these will increase my cardio health, energy, vitality, willpower, and so many other great things!

What if I made the claim that team sports like football were better for you than solo sports, because you have camaraderie and community.

What if I told you that solo sports were better for you than team sports because it increases self-discipline and accountability and the quality time you spend with yourself increases self-worth in ways team sports didn't?

What if I told you that 1-vs-1 sports like Tennis were the absolute best, since you're both self-accountable to your results and you're also competing against someone else so you're encouraged to push your limits?

Is there an objectively best answer?

Well, no. Of course not.

If you WANT to play a team sport, then that's best for you.

If you WANT quality alone time, self-accountability, etc. then solo sports are best.

If you WANT the pressure of competition to push you to your limits then 1-vs-1 is the best.

Unlike diet choices, there's no universal right answer.

Love life choices are THE SAME.

Yes, relationships are amazing. There are SO many benefits to them!

But so is casual sex!

So is semi-casual sex (like fwb)!

So is monogamy!

So is non-monogamy!

So is celibacy!

So is fucking on the first date!

So is waiting until marriage!

There's NO RIGHT ANSWER, and NO WRONG ANSWER!

There IS, however, a right answer for YOU and a wrong answer for YOU.

Me personally? When I’m in a serious relationship my girl will not be dating or sleeping with any other guys.

If that happens, it’s a no questions asked instant game over, do not collect $200, do not pass go. Now she’s just somebody that I used to know.

I know, for me, that flavor of relationship dynamic is the wrong answer.

I also have a friend where that's not the case.

His girl sleeps with other men, and he's happy to give her that freedom!

She gives him the same freedom too.

And they're both fulfilled and happy, in a way they wouldn't be if she wasn’t free to see any other guys.

Do I get it? No.

But there's nothing to be gained in yucking someone else's yum, except a false sense of superiority, and - while invigorating - that doesn't help anyone.

One of my core values is that there is no right or wrong way to build your life, just a right or wrong way for YOU.

Find what works for you and pursue it.

As a friend of mine says, ruthlessly customize your life.

You're worthy of a perfect match between your desires and your lifestyle.

More to come.

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No AI was used in the writing or editing of this post

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AI WAS, however, used to generate this sexy photo of me dancing with this mysterious hottie. I’m a decent dancer, and if I ever put consistent practice into it I’ll get pretty damn good.